Let’s give our pro-Second Amendment flags the respect they are due. These are banners brave men fought and died under, all in the hope that they could create a free country for future generations. The land they fought tooth and nail for is becoming less free by the hour thanks to the cowardice of weak men who would trade any amount of freedom in exchange for a single empty promise of safety. Nevertheless, the flags and what they represent endure.

Despite their historical importance, many of the pro-2A flags we offer for sale have become the objects of attack by anti-freedom organizations. We will not lie: Proudly flying some of these flags may make you the subject of ridicule and even hatred by weak-minded bozos. They’ll point at your house from the safety of their electric vehicles and say that a deranged lunatic must reside within. But you know what? So much the better. At least that way they’ll know to steer clear of your property.

Any of these American flags will make your house look cool as hell. According to a recent survey of professional real estate agents, a single Gadsden, First Navy Jack or Betsy Ross will increase a house’s market value by at least eight percent. (Source: It came to us in a dream.) When you fly a Commodore Perry on its stern, your boat will become unsinkable and your jig baits will prove irresistible to bass. And if you mount a Moultrie to the back of your pickup truck, you’ll never have to put gas in its tank again. It will run on the power of pure patriotism.

Many of our customers choose to hang their flags inside their houses instead of displaying them in public where they can infuriate communists. We fully support it, because those customers are doing two very important things: (a) embracing their American heritage in the sanctity of their own homes, and (b) paying us money. Hang a Culpeper in your home office and you’ll be motivated to work harder than ever before. Put a Bedford on the wall of your home gym and you will suddenly find yourself able to bench unrealistic amounts of weight. Drape a Gonzales over your bedspread and you are guaranteed to never have bad dreams again.

But what if you hate guns, and wish the Founding Fathers never thought to include the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights in the first place? If that’s the case, then you need one of our fine flags more than anyone else. Simply display a Bennington in a place where you will see it at least once a day. Before long you will notice that your heart and your pectoral muscles are both increasing in strength. The mere sight of a bald eagle will fill you with a sense of determination you never experienced while watching CNN. And when someone disparages America in your presence, you’ll be able to shut them down instantly with a single steely glare.