2ND AMENDMENT SHIRTS
“Let us hope our weapons are never needed – but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government – and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws.”
— Edward Abbey
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The right of the people to keep and wear sweet pro-Second Amendment T-shirts shall not be infringed!
You’re not a “gun nut.” You are a firearms enthusiast, who understands that tyranny can only fester under a government which has successfully converted citizens into its subjects. You appreciate that a 9mm pistol and a 5.56 rifle can do nothing against howitzers and drones – but you’re also well aware that somewhere, someone is giving orders to those howitzers and drones – and you can get at them. After all, a police state can only exist when people live in constant fear of having their doors kicked down during the dead of night. A police state cannot exist when jackbooted thugs are too afraid to start indiscriminately kicking down doors.
Let’s be honest: A lot of people will hate you the instant they see you wearing a 2A T-shirt. Fortunately, those people are spineless twerps who would no sooner confront you in public than they would tell their wives’ boyfriends to please keep it down. They can post mean things about you on Twitter and imagine you are whichever couch pillow they like punching each night, but the lion does not concern himself with the opinions of sheep.
Pro-gun T-shirts make ideal apparel for all social occasions. Going to a job interview at a Silicon Valley tech firm? Slap on a “Come and Take It” shirt and the Seven Sisters college alumna conducting the interview is certain to take note. Going on a first date? Wear a 9mm shirt and she (or he, if you are gay or a woman – unless you are a gay woman, in which case she) will be so enamored by your outstanding style that they’ll be talking about baby names before the appetizers make it to your table. Going to the gun range? We guess you could wear one of our shirts there, too!
Are these T-shirts comfortable, high-quality and American-made? You bet your sweet bippy they are. Nine out of ten people we asked said that our T-shirts remarkably improved their lives, and the tenth couldn’t hear us because they suffered permanent hearing damage as the result of not wearing appropriate safety equipment at the range.
But what if you don’t own any guns? Can you still wear one of our T-shirts? Yes. “Come and take it” may seem like an empty expression of defiance if you haven’t actually got anything for anyone to come and take, but we fully support the act of people paying us money and welcome it under all circumstances. Many of our customers recently lost their entire gun collections during freak boating accidents, as a matter of fact, yet they still want awesome gun apparel. We applaud their indomitable spirits!
2ndamendmentshirts.com believes in our customers’ absolute privacy. We refuse to provide their information to the CIA, FBI, ATF, NSA, KFC, HBO or NBA under any circumstances. And for every T-shirt you buy from us, we will donate $1 to our receptionist Becky’s birthday party fund. We’re getting her a lemon cream cake this year because that is her favorite.
PRO 2ND AMENDMENT FLAGS
Let’s give our pro-Second Amendment flags the respect they are due. These are banners brave men fought and died under, all in the hope that they could create a free country for future generations. The land they fought tooth and nail for is becoming less free by the hour thanks to the cowardice of weak men who would trade any amount of freedom in exchange for a single empty promise of safety. Nevertheless, the flags and what they represent endure.
Despite their historical importance, many of the pro-2A flags we offer for sale have become the objects of attack by anti-freedom organizations. We will not lie: Proudly flying some of these flags may make you the subject of ridicule and even hatred by weak-minded bozos. They’ll point at your house from the safety of their electric vehicles and say that a deranged lunatic must reside within. But you know what? So much the better. At least that way they’ll know to steer clear of your property.
Any of these American flags will make your house look cool as hell. According to a recent survey of professional real estate agents, a single Gadsden, First Navy Jack or Betsy Ross will increase a house’s market value by at least eight percent. (Source: It came to us in a dream.) When you fly a Commodore Perry on its stern, your boat will become unsinkable and your jig baits will prove irresistible to bass. And if you mount a Moultrie to the back of your pickup truck, you’ll never have to put gas in its tank again. It will run on the power of pure patriotism.
Many of our customers choose to hang their flags inside their houses instead of displaying them in public where they can infuriate communists. We fully support it, because those customers are doing two very important things: (a) embracing their American heritage in the sanctity of their own homes, and (b) paying us money. Hang a Culpeper in your home office and you’ll be motivated to work harder than ever before. Put a Bedford on the wall of your home gym and you will suddenly find yourself able to bench unrealistic amounts of weight. Drape a Gonzales over your bedspread and you are guaranteed to never have bad dreams again.
But what if you hate guns, and wish the Founding Fathers never thought to include the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights in the first place? If that’s the case, then you need one of our fine flags more than anyone else. Simply display a Bennington in a place where you will see it at least once a day. Before long you will notice that your heart and your pectoral muscles are both increasing in strength. The mere sight of a bald eagle will fill you with a sense of determination you never experienced while watching CNN. And when someone disparages America in your presence, you’ll be able to shut them down instantly with a single steely glare.