You don’t want anyone else’s money.
You don’t feel guilty for having values that aren’t advertised on television.
You don’t want to live in a society that would have horrified every single one of your ancestors.
You’re a “conservative,” which means you oppose being controlled by the world’s most powerful thieves and their army of mentally ill dorks.
You’re just another redneck who loves guns, Jesus, and scaring the hell out of city folk – and we wouldn’t have you any other way.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Will ordering such provocative clothing land me on some sort of government watchlist – specifically one that keeps track of truly cool dudes?”
It will. Probably. I don’t know. I’ll have to look into that.
But I can tell you this. When you wear the “Just Another Redneck” in public, you’ll know who’s cool. Dudes who give you silent, knowing nods with the slightest hint of an accompanying smile? Cool. Dudes who start looking for the nearest Cybertruck they can set fire to as soon as they finish reading your shirt? Well, we’re not allowed to write the correct word for such creatures without upsetting Google’s algorithm.